My objective is simple:
World DominationMy motive is a little bit more complex:
To show them allStage OneTo begin my plan, I must first seduce both Drew Barrymore and Zooey Deschanel. This will cause the world to give one another sideways glances, stunned by my arrival. OK! magazine, Harper's Bazaar, Vogue and the general masses will ask; Who is this talented yet tormented artist? Where did he come from and why the hell does he look so damn good dressed in classic black mixed with a little khaki?
Stage TwoNext, I must seize control of St Austell, Truro, Penzance and Falmouth. This will all be done from my secret studio lair in an abandoned church, a mysterious place of unrivalled dark glory and great natural light. Upon seeing this, the world will spontaneously combust, as countless hordes of winged monkeys hasten to do my every bidding.
Stage ThreeFinally, I must reveal to the world my great supernatural forces and meagre photographic skills, bringing about the destruction of all those that doubted or opposed me. My name shall become synonymous with the Spice Girls, saffron buns and the Tate St Ives. No girl will ever again dare to refuse to be my party date. Everyone will bow before my unbreakable will and the world will have no choice but to make me their new God.
Mwaaauh, after a few days back at school I’ve come up with a new business plan! Giiiiterdone!
It's been a great week so far; I was late for my first day at school due to an accident (not mine, luckily for me but unluckily for those involved), I still haven’t had Jon’s solicitors letter so can’t put my own counter plan into action, the day I decide I’m going to go bodyboarding it rains all day and the world is going to end with a pandemic of Swine Flu.
C’mon… Who the frick wants to die of Swine Flu? Pig Flu! At least Bird Flu sounded interesting, pretty even, if you're into Ornithology. Ebola (go Dustin in that space suit) and Necrotizing Fasciitis (Zombies... Braaains!) look great in the Media and at the very least SARS, CJD, JPEG, ST:TNG and AIDS have great acronyms. Screw Swine Flu… I want to die of Great White Shark Flu, Sabre Tooth Tiger Flu or Rabid Wolf Flu, at least then it sounds like I had to put up a fight before I met my maker. Having "
died of Pig Flu" engraved on my tombstone would just suck: A tragic ending of Shakespearian comedic proportions befitting of the karmic ills of past lives I'm obviously paying for in this one perhaps?
But my life could be worse… Truly worse! I found these little gems on teh interwebs and found my smile again. These are all apparently true: Please sit back, relax, pour yourself a drink and enjoy someone else's suffering for a while:
Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "That’s not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple.
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush.
Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog.
Today, I was at the gynaecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet.
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man.
The moral of todays journal? Smile, tomorrow is another day!
I've Been Mugged!:thumb114141344:
Community Choice
Art Trade – Kinda! You may or may not have noticed while you browse my gallery that quite a few of my pics are available as prints. Getting to the point; originally, I wanted to see if I could make a little moolah out of dA but it seems that for most of us it sure don’t work that way. Yeah, ok, I sell a few prints here and there but far too few to rave about or to make any difference to my finances. A year or so back I even changed my payment type to deviant dollars rather than go through the hassle of cashing cheques. It pays my way on dA and lets me help out here and there by slipping the odd Subscription to people or groups I care about.
As you are probably aware I’ve recently moved house, my walls are bare and so I came up with a happy little plan:
I want you to buy my art. I urge you to buy my art so that in return I can buy the art of others here and thus keep the artistic community economy on dA thriving. Think of it as a moving-in gift with benefits. You guys buy my work, I get deviant dollars for it that I spend on artists within our community and thereby decorate my walls. Meh, it might even be you I buy art from so think of it as a trade if you will. Sure it’s a gamble, I might not buy your work but I do promise that I won’t be turning those dollars into cash and you’ll get some rather natty photography by me for your own walls. It’s a win-win situation methinks.
If you are a photographer or a model these are relevant to YOU. I would like to think as many people have seen these as possible. Please go to the news article if you haven’t already and add them to your page as a news fave using the heart icon below my avatar, top left of the page.
It will take less than a minute of your time to fave these yet could save models and togs a whole bunch of heartache and help weed out the sharks from the ethical. What’s to lose? I am only helping to promote safe, best practise photography to all.
Web Designer Wanted!
Cornwall based web designer fluent in PHP, CSS and Flash for a couple of new projects based in the St Austell area. Hopefully but not essentially you will be able to show live websites or a decent portfolio as examples of your work and be willing to experiment. Experience in shopping carts would be advantageous as would experience in designing photo galleries. If you follow my work you can imagine that my vision for these sites is a bit off kilter so a flair for design would be great. Commercial experience is not as important as enthusiasm and expertise. Payment is offered and negotiable. If interested please do not note me here on dA but send an email through the direct link at the bottom of this page or through my current website. As this could well be a fantastic commercial venture for us both please treat this as a professional application.
Neolestat.com News
The third update this year. The links page has been updated a little to show my enthusiasm of Cornwall and it’s leisure activities. The bio and index page have been un-updated with the old company details and another interview has been added; this time for a feature in People Magazine Australia. I’m also in the process of tidying up old and adding new galleries. Some old stuff, some new. If you like what you see it would be great to hear.
